Even Healers Need Help to Get Better
by QueenElspeth
Summary: The war is over but Hermione can't let go. How will it effect her relationship with Minerva? Oneshot MM/HG


A/N I didn't mean for this to be in first person, it just sort of happened. Also don't really know whre this story came from but nevermine. I intended for it to be a bit angsty but knowing me it didn't last long. R&R please, enjoy!  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Aug 25th**

Rebuilding the castle took mere days. It was surprisingly easy, no one seemed ready to go home and try to reassemble their lives so there were plenty of helping hands. Still, one couldn't help but think there was something missing. Everything was there physically it just seemed emptier than before. Like fighting Voldemort had given everyone purpose and meaning and now they just had to float about. Not that anyone wanted him back, of course not! Their lives just seemed to be meaningless now.

Of course, everyone clamoured around Harry, the Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One. He was their figurehead albeit reluctantly so. They needed him to tell them that it was all alright, that the war was over. But he couldn't. He told them what they wanted to hear but his words were empty and hollow. He knew it, they knew it, we all knew it. But it was something. As soon as possible, Harry retreated from the public eye, proposed to Ginny and settled down. If you could call it settling down. He just wanted to scrape together some semblance of a normal life. After a while, I suppose you could say it worked. People left him alone and he planned to start a family with his wife.

I wish I could say the same.

Ron wanted to marry me, of course he did. I had been beside him during everything. Had even kissed him, though I quickly realised what a mistake that was. I wanted that kiss to make me love him, to make me feel like everything I wanted was right in front of me. It didn't. I still knew in my heart what, or whom, I wanted. And that person was simply not Ronald Weasley. He didn't love me anyway, not really. War glamour had done it's job. We would have been the perfect couple if we had fallen for each other like we were supposed to. He soon gave up on me and now he's engaged to a witch from America. And that was ok; I wanted him to be happy.

It's been three years since the war ended. And now I'm the only one of the 'Golden Trio' still single. I guess you could say I haven't had time to think about it yet. Which, on the outside, appears to be true. When the war was over, I went to Australia to get my parents back. They were pleased to see me (if somewhat perturbed that I'd modified their memories) but decided to stay where they were. I didn't argue. Instead, I finished my education in Beauxbatons Academy as it seemed the logical thing to do; my French was already quite good and I couldn't return to Hogwarts, where everything was still so fresh.

But that was then, three years later I'm back at Hogwarts to take the position which was previously taken by Poppy Pomfrey. After the war, Poppy retired somewhere abroad. I still find it ironic that the very reason Poppy stopped working was the same thing that made me become a Healer.

I didn't want to go to St. Mungo's though, and that is why I found myself back in Scotland, once more ascending the stairs that would take me into Hogwarts for the first time in two years. I wasn't nervous, but I can't say I was pleased to be back. I had loved the castle for six years but I couldn't help the feeling of betrayal I held for it now. Like it was it's own fault for the war. Then again, my feelings could be more to do with the fact that Minerva McGonagall was still here. Still single but still completely and utterly unattainable. I can't remember when I first fell for her but it feels like forever. I know working here will not be easy but I have to try. Maybe one day I'll be able to put the past firmly in the past.

The door was open and so I stepped inside. I was back. I heard footsteps and quickly found the source - Minerva McGonagall was walking towards me, arms outstretched and a broad smile on her lips. With a painful twinge in my stomach, I stepped into her embrace trying desperately not to focus on how wonderful our bodies felt when pressed together or the subtle hint of perfume that blended with something that was completely one hundred percent Minerva. Pulling away I smiled at her, even though it was probably obvious the smile didn't reach my eyes.

"Hermione! Welcome back," Minerva exclaimed before pulling me into another hug. Although I feel I know Minerva a lot better than most I cannot deny I felt a lot of surprise at her obvious displays of affection for me. But I was pleased.

"It's good to be back," I lied, not wanting to offend her. She smiled again before leading me to her (though I still think of it as Dumbledore's) office. Upon entry, I was offered the perfunctory ginger newt, which I accepted before sitting down in the proffered chair. Minerva sat opposite me and seemed just about to speak when an owl tapped at the window. Apologising to me, she got up and took the letter, sitting down to read it. I used the distraction to really look at Minerva. In the two years I'd been away she hadn't changed. The war had made her stronger but weaker at the same time - though I was yet to see it, I knew that she cried a lot more easily than she would have done before. But she was still beautiful. She still had the immaculate posture and physique that can only be achieved through sport and a lot of it. Her face was generally just the same though there were distinctive marks which the war could account for. Her eyes were still her most prominent feature, a wonderful almond shape with the most glittering shade of emerald green imaginable.

She finished reading and looked up at me, I quickly bit into my biscuit, focussing on the wood of the desk between us. I briefly wondered what the letter was about though I know it's not anything to do with me. All the time, I could feel Minerva watching me. I finally meet her eyes and she smiles again but there is something unusual in her gaze that I cannot place. Before I had time to think, however, she spoke.

"I'm so pleased you came to help us at such short notice. I know it was a little quick but I wanted you here at least a week before the students came so you could get your bearings," she said, it was as if she was apologising. I immediately felt bad, I had made it obvious that I wasn't too pleased about being summoned so soon and it seemed I had really upset the older woman.

"Minerva, it's no trouble. I know I was a little short with you but I know you were acting on what is best for both me and everyone else. Please forgive my rudeness," That seems to work, she doesn't say another word about it. Together, we leave the office and walk to the Great Hall for lunch. There are only a few staff present, most choosing to arrive the day before the students. I was greeted warmly by Neville and Professors Flitwick, Sinistra and Hooch. I sit down next to Minerva and begin to eat, occasionally stealing glances at her when I know she isn't looking. Unfortunately, when she leans over to grab a dish, her arm brushes mine. It's all I can do to keep from gasping, I can feel my skin tingling where the contact was made and I can also tell my face is heating up.

Even worse is that her calf is now lightly touching mine. She doesn't move away, maybe she can't feel it, but I certainly can. It's very hard for me to eat, let alone speak when I can feel her against me all the time. I didn't think I would be affected by her so easily but I am. The meal seems to take longer than it should, every time it seems to be drawing to a close, someone starts up a new conversation.

Finally, there is a sufficient lull for me to make my escape. Muttering something about fresh air, I dash out of the Hall and out of the castle. Heading for the lake, my mind wanders back to Minerva, it seems my thoughts are never far from her. I sit down under the beech tree which Ron, Harry and I frequented as students. Even in Scotland, it can get hot in August. The tree provides a nice patch of shade and a lovely view of the lake. Watching the ripples on the surface of the water has a calming effect on me, my mind shuts down and I just stare ahead of me.

I didn't hear the footsteps coming towards me and so I didn't notice anyone was there until she touches my shoulder. Glancing up, startled, I see that Minerva has come to join me. I smile and nod when she asks if she can join me. She sits down, close. I can feel her warmth though I try and fool myself otherwise. It doesn't work.

"How does it feel to be back?" she asks me, somehow I know she isn't expecting a positive answer.

"Empty," I reply quietly. I don't mean to hurt her - I just can't lie. I turn and look at the castle; it is no different to when I was a student but it is so hollow. She sees me looking and I think she can sense my melancholy mood. Before I can stop her, she wraps an arm around my shoulder, trying to comfort me. She couldn't know that she was making it worse, that the loneliness I felt was only partly due to the castle and mostly to do with her. How could she know that every touch served to remind me of what I couldn't have? And now come the tears, One slides down my cheek, I pretend it isn't there. But then another follows, and another and soon I'm crying into her shoulder, scrabbling to hold her as close as I can while huge gasping wails escape me. If my sorrow and pain didn't fill me to the brim, I would probably feel embarrassed. But I don't have room and so stick to holding on to Minerva as tightly as possible while my throat burns from the pressure of sobbing.

And Minerva holds me through everything, she whispers comforting words in my ear and gently rocks me until the tears subside and I can cry no more. But still, she doesn't let go. It's like she knew this was going to happen before she even got here. She kisses the top of my head and waits. Waits until I'm ready. I don't know how she knows when I am, but she does, and she lets go slowly before looking into my eyes. It is then that I realise how much she cares. She knows me better than I know myself sometimes. She smiles at me and I feel warmed by her. She kisses my cheek softly before getting up and leaving me before I even realise I want to be alone. I don't think she knows that I love her, but she knows near enough everything else.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Sept 1****st**

The first day of term. And the first time I will see the Sorting from the Head Table. I cannot deny the shiver of excitement that I feel at the prospect. Since Minerva is Headmistress, Hagrid not only takes the first years across the lake but calls the register for the Sorting Ceremony too. This is, I'm sure, a little intimidating for the poor kids who make it into the Hall only to have six years of older students staring at them and Hagrid shouting at them to come forward. It was bad enough with Minerva!

Here they come now. That doors open and Hagrid marches in, followed by the first years who have to run to keep up with him. Placing the stool on the floor he unrolls the parchment and calls out the first name.

"Blakely, Kirstine!"

A terrified, mousey girl scampers forward and is swallowed by the hat. There is a moment of silence while the hat deliberates and I swear the stool is rattling on the floor from her shaking.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

I clap along with the other staff and the Gryffindor table. Kirstine dashes over to join them, glowing with embarrassment. I am about to look over to see who will be next when Minerva accidentally puts her hand on top of mine. I snatch my fingers away as though scolded and glance at her. She gives me a funny look but turns her attention to the Sorting where Collins, Daniel is stepping forward. I try to watch with interest but I can see Minerva out of the corner of my eye and I want to apologise for my rudeness but know better than to talk during the Ceremony.

After everyone has been Sorted, Minerva stands up to make her start of term speech. Silence descends over the Hall.

"Welcome to Hogwarts, and to the older students; welcome back. As usual I need to remind you that the Forbidden Forest is strictly out of bounds to all students. Also, Mr Filch would like you to know that Regurgitating Garbage Cans have been added to the list of banned items, the full list can be viewed on the door of his office. We have a new member of staff this year, who will be taking over from Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing; Madam Granger."

She pauses because the Hall has erupted in applause, I can feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. Some of the older students remember me and of course, my name has not escaped the papers so I am quite well known. It is a little strange to be addressed as 'Madam Granger' though.

"I wish you all the best of luck for the coming year. May the feast begin."

As soon as Minerva sat down again, the plates filled with food. I waste no time in filling my plate before eating. I can feel her gaze on me, she has a rather amused expression on her face as she watches me wolf down my food. I haven't eaten all day so I can hardly be blamed for my actions.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Nov 15****th**

Winter has settled on the castle, by now my supply of Pepper-Up Potion would have run out but luckily, I remembered how often people got colds and brewed some extra. I feel settled in, my work keeps me distracted and I am calmer now that I am helping people once again. Although, the most difficult thing I have had to deal with is a boy who accidentally made his bones flexible. I am forcefully reminded of my second year when Harry lost the bones in his right arm though the solution for this particular boy was a lot less painful.

The doors open, startling me out of my reverie and I come face to face with Minerva. I know it must be bad because it is very early in the morning. She has a pained expression and is leaning heavily on one of the beds, as though she cannot stand up. I spring into action and pull her onto the bed. She glowers at me but that only makes me smile; I had heard she was a terrible patient. I pull the curtains around her bed, knowing she wouldn't want to be seen and sit down next to her.

"What happened?" I ask her, watching her face as she shifts slightly and flinches. Taking a deep breath she looks at me, her face is paler than normal.

"I think I broke my leg. I was… sleepwalking and I fell down the stairs," she whispers, obviously mortified that she had to tell me. "I would fix it myself but I never got the hang of mending bones."

She points at her left leg when I ask which one and I carefully slide up her nightgown to get a look. At first I see nothing but then as I uncover more of her skin, a dark purple bruise is revealed, just above her knee. It stretches right up to the top of her thigh. I take a calming breath and try to focus on the task at hand, try to treat her like another patient. I mustn't notice how smooth her skin is, or how long and thin her legs are, or the beautiful pale colour of her complexion. But I do. I fix the bone with my wand before getting the cream I need to heal the bruise. I dip my finger into the pot before rubbing it gently on her leg. She gasps and I think she is in pain so I move back quickly. She shakes her head and I begin again.

I take my time, pretending that I'm not committing the feel of her skin to memory. As my fingers work higher, I can feel my heart hammering faster. _Oh, grow up! _I admonish myself before finishing the task. I put the cream away, taking my time so that my cheeks can return to their normal hue before I go back into the room. Minerva has already covered herself again and is in the process of standing up. I stand by her side, watching as she puts experimentally puts weight on her leg. She smiles when she feels no pain and the urge to kiss her is so strong I am mid-step towards her before I realise what I am doing.

"Thank you," she says softly before turning and striding out.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Dec 20****th**

It's almost Christmas and Hogwarts reflects that. Tinsel, Christmas trees and mistletoe are around every corner and more than once I have had to duck into a hidden staircase to avoid passing under some at the same time as somebody else. It's not that I believe everyone so desperate to kiss me but I know Hogwarts mistletoe and I don't want to be unfortunate enough to get stuck under the enchanted kind. The kind that doesn't let you go until you kiss the other person.

Though I deeply dislike said kinds of mistletoe, I have to admit, it does make some wonderful fantasies to do with the Headmistress. Grinning to myself, I make my way to the Hall for lunch. On the way, Minerva falls in step beside me. I smile at her and ask how she is. She tells me she is fine but glad it is the holidays. I nod my agreement before dropping a book I was carrying. Rolling my eyes at my own clumsiness, I bend down to get it. When I stand up and look at Minerva to laugh with her, she is not looking at me but at a spot above our heads. _Oh no,_ I sigh inwardly before looking up and seeing the dreaded mistletoe. Biting my lip I wait silently for Minerva to look at me. Eventually she does. Wow, this is awkward…

She steps closer to me and I feel my breath catch in my throat, her fingers ever so lightly touch my skin as they brush a piece of my hair out of my face. I swallow as I watch her lean in, she's going to kiss me! I lick my lips in anticipation, wondering what she will taste like. Someone wolf whistles from the end of the corridor, I automatically step away from Minerva and glare at the boy. He has the sense to run away. It is then that Minerva realises that it was just normal mistletoe and we were not under any obligation to kiss. She smiles at me before turning and walking to the Hall.

Suddenly not hungry, I turn back and go to my rooms. I feel tears stinging my eyes and I walk faster, determined to not let them fall until I am safely in my bedroom. Slamming the door shut I fall against it, sliding to the floor. I'm crying. Again. I wipe away my tears angrily, when did I get so pathetic? This is not how I planned to spend Christmas. Upon reflection, it's probably better she didn't kiss me. She would have pulled away immediately and gone to lunch and I would have been left under that bloody weed unable to hide my feelings any longer. She would have known, they all would have known, and they would have laughed.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Dec 25****th**

I've pretty much lived in my rooms since that awful event five days ago. But now I realise I will have to go to the Christmas meal. Sighing, I get dressed before making my way down to the Hall. I am late. Although there are only 20 people staying (and so we are all around one table), everyone else is already seated. There is a space next to Minerva, obviously I am supposed to sit there. Steeling myself, I sit next to her.

"Hermione! I wasn't sure if you were coming!" Neville greets me enthusiastically, I smile at him and apologise for my lateness. After this, the plates fill and the meal begins. Because everyone is eating, no one notices Minerva place a small package on my lap. She leans close to me and whispers Happy Christmas in my ear, I feel myself shiver. I smile and thank her before giving her my present. Opening hers, I see that she has bought me a beautiful silver necklace. It has a delicate chain and ends with a locket. Opening it I see a rune written on a piece of parchment. I do not recognise it which worries me a little but when I look questioningly at Minerva she just smiles and tells me to sleep with the necklace on - it will make sense. I thank her again before finally beginning to eat.

When I return to my rooms I see that Harry, Ginny and Ron have all sent me presents. I smile but suddenly I feel sad again. I haven't seen them in so long and the presents do feel somewhat obligatory. I can't help but think about the war again and this does ruin my Christmas Spirit somewhat. I spend the afternoon reading one of my new books before turning in early. I wear the necklace to bed. For some reason, I feel very drained and it does not take me long to fall asleep. I do not notice the pulsing white light that emits from the necklace.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, I wake with a broad grin on my face. I feel contented. I shower before going down to breakfast.

"Morning all," I say brightly, some people look surprised but Minerva just smiles.

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" she asks innocently. I look at her suspiciously but I'm still smiling.

"Yes, thank you. What did you do?" I ask her. She grins and shakes her head. I grin too and sit next to her before beginning to eat. When we have finished, Minerva suggests a walk around the grounds. I accept and follow her outside. My fingers find the locket still around my neck and hold onto it. It feels warm. Normally, the locket would remind me of Voldemort's Horcrux but today it doesn't matter. It's all in the past.

"It heals people. The rune. It helps them come to terms with horrors in their past and it helps them be happy in themselves." Minerva said quietly. We stopped next to the lake and watched the Giant Squid just under the surface of the water. I smile at her, it makes sense. I feel… lighter. Happier than I have been in a long time and I know that anything is possibly. That kind of optimism eluded me for a long time.

"Thank you," I say again before kissing her on the cheek.

"Oh, come on! It was a better present than that!" Laughing I lean in and kiss her again, still on the cheek but definitely closer to her mouth. She glares at me. I can't help but laugh. A real, full laugh.

"You look so cute!" I manage to gasp between giggles. For some reason, this doesn't make her feel better. Feeling that I've teased her enough, I kiss her again. Properly. She gasps and I remember when she did in the Hospital Wing and I thought I'd hurt her. I realise now that I had been mistaken. She returns the kiss and I feel like I'm floating. Needing to ground myself, I pull away from her but my hands are still on her hips.

She looks at me, her eyes asking if there is something wrong. I smile and kiss her again. Her fingers tangle in my hair as our tongues touch for the first time. I cannot help the groan that escapes me. Gasping for breath, she pulls back, resting her forehead on mine.

"I love you," I whisper, knowing that I can finally tell her. She grins and takes my hand, dragging me back up to the castle and to her rooms.

And I'd always been told that Boxing Day wasn't very good.


End file.
